Authentic Relating

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I just wrote my first post here a couple of hours ago. I couldn’t help but realize that I was wrong about what’s hard about writing a blog. The hardest part – I assumed – would be setting up the website, and choosing the templates and functionalities I want. But once I clicked “Publish”, I realized that’s not it. The hardest part is “Putting yourself out there”.

Putting myself out there

You know this feeling when you have a well-articulated concrete idea that you strongly feel about, then as soon as you start expressing it, you start questioning what you are saying as you say it? I can even feel it again now as I type those lines. It is a mix of fear and excitement. It can’t be just me who goes through these feelings. I am sure at least some of you would know what I am talking about. It’s like dipping your feet in uncharted waters; excited about the new experience but also worried about what’s out there. I’ll admit it, I worry about what people think of me. It’s a constant struggle to be aware of that and actively push myself outside my comfort zone to continue to care less and less.

I am an introvert and I like to spend time with myself quite often. Most of the time, I enjoy meeting with my close friends one at a time. That’s when I feel I can connect with people. Big groups, on the other hand, are not my thing. They drain me pretty quickly. Now I am realizing that writing in a publicly accessible space can be a way to help me overcome that fear. I don’t even know where it’s coming from. Is it just because we are all social animals and tend to seek validation? Or because I try to hold myself to some – possibly unrealistic – standards and I’m afraid of not living up to my expectations? And maybe it is just a normal feeling of being vulnerable when you let more people know about you and what’s going in your head.

Authentic Relating

I went to a few events organized by Authentic Montreal, which is, “a community of people who want more connection and more meaningful interactions”. I loved it. The idea is to provide a safe space where you can step out of your comfort zone. To try to be yourself and connect with others in ways you wouldn’t normally do. I had similar feelings as those I described above at first. Then the safe space allowed me to open up and experiment with my limits more. It’s quite a liberating experience to allow yourself to make mistakes, be silly, or outright wrong. Of course, it is very stressful thinking that you can do any of that in your everyday life. As I went to a few more events and started reading more about it, I started realizing the importance of being true to our own feelings; at least as much as we can.

The first two guidelines of relating are:

• Honoring oneself is about being true to your feelings, to show and express what is real to you at this moment, but also to respect your limits and know when to stop.
• Honoring others is about listening with compassion, asking instead of just making assumptions, and more importantly, provide a safe space for them to honor themselves.

These two guidelines mean that you should honor your own feelings and truth as much as you can, and allow yourself to be vulnerable. It also means that you are responsible for how you feel. For others to honor themselves as well, it might mean that they won’t respond to you the way you would have hoped. You might feel rejected. And that’s okay.

So that was me admitting my anxious feelings of putting myself out there, accepting the fact that I will make mistakes, and that it will be an exciting experience that I will definitely learn from.

Ever had similar feelings?

Did that sound familiar to you? Please feel free to share your thoughts and/or experience in the comments.